I am in a vortex of obligation.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
