Nicole vs. Life
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
