I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
