it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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