I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
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It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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