Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So many bounce houses so little time
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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