brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize