he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
