you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
