She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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