Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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