we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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