I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
