my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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