i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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