this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize