The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
