Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
