I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My ass is underappreciated
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
