my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
