John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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