My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
organizing the empties. That sober.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
