Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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