I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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