omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
