His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
