I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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