Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
