I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
