I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
