Yo dont text me then not text me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
