Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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