he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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