omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
