Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
