Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
