no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
