I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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