I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
