she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
