dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize