There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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