you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My life is pants optional.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
