he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
