i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
