dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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