Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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