Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
