he puts the penis in happiness.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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