I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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