Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
