i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
