I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
