After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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