chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He has the fingertips of a God
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