Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
