Michael Bay diarrhea
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
