pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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