how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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