My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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