New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
