How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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