I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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