wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize