Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
