Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
