Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
