that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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