Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
