Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You took a bar mat shot.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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