Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
