so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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