omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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